Rant

don't you hate it when you go through all your diabetes scripts to see what you need (have you noticed this takes ages????) you manage to get it all written out then you go to your docs to order your prescription....then you are confronted by an evil monster who is guarding every item on your list like guardians of a valuable treasure, as if you were trying to steal it from them.....yes you know who i mean....


The one..... The Only.......


DR. RECEPTIONIST...


seriously, clearly we wouldn't be asking for it if we didn't need it, then she asks you all those questions about when you last ordered it and how often you use it.... surely the receptionists role is to take prescription orders, arrange, cancel or change appointments, answer the phone and send off blood work...  but no!! she's turned into Dr. Receptionist and has decided that you order your insulin, blood sticks, sharps boxes etc... too often and are clearly mis-using it.... its not the first time this woman has had the nerve to tell me that i take too much insulin and order sharps boxes too often.. seriously i had no idea that my diabetologist had given me too high a dose...i had no idea that this woman is not only a receptionist, but also a pharmacist and a diabetologist too......honey... I HAVE TYPE 1 DIABETES... I TAKE THAT MUCH INSULIN CAUSE IT'S KEEPING ME ALIVE...I ORDER THAT  MANY TEST STRIPS CAUSE THEY TELL ME HOW MUCH INSULIN I NEED...I ORDER THE SHARPS BOX THAT OFTEN BECAUSE I ACTUALLY CHANGE MY NEEDLE HEADS AND LANCETTS!!!!!!


I hate these people who think they know better than the experts.... maybe the fire breathing dragon should stop trying to guard the magic golden diabetes supplies and crawl back into her cave

Two Diabetics walked into a bar...................................................

Fucking Retinopathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Diabetics Prayer

Our banting that art with best,
 hallowed be thy insulin. 
Our hypos come...thy glucogen, 
on the shelf that art in fridge.
 Give us this day our pump.
 Forgive us these cakes as we forgive those who made them. 
Lead us not into hospital, 
but deliver us from DKA. 
Yours is the blood test, the HBA1C,forever and ever, 
Insulin pen.

how to have fun with type 1 diabetes

1: when you've tested your bg and it won't stop bleeding, you instinctively put your finger in your mouth... when people ask what you are doing, tell them you are a self sufficient vampire

2. if people watch you take your insulin with a disgusted look on their face, deliberately do it in slow motion ...
3. if you have a group of friends who have diabetes of either type you can play bg bingo

4. when people tell you that you don't look diabetic, respond with “thank you, you don't look like an arsehole”

and finally
5. (my fave)you know how people think that one sweet will make you drop dead... say “i can't take it any more” and eat a skittle... this is only funny if they think one sweet will kill you.. be careful thou.. one of my friends really believed it and tried to call emergency services... don't let them dial the number cause the services don't appreciate their time being wasted on ignorance of this “friend”

The Weekly Rant (its late)

Don't you hate it when you have a hypo and the first thing someone says is "maybe you should take your insulin"..

Ok my diabetes is a pain in the arse but is euthanasia really necessary? do i really suffer so much that suicide is justified??

ok i am being facetious, but its ignorance like this that makes life so difficult.

The Weekly Rant

That annoying weirdo who thinks they know everything about diabetes BECAUSE THEY READ A BOOK. seriously I have read every single harry potter book....doesn't mean I know harry potter personally.

These people are seriously annoying, no its not because they are trying to help, but because they are under the firm belief that if it is printed in a book then it must be true. I wonder how strongly they believe that Rupert the Bear exists and if they ever contemplate visiting him

Feeling Musical

                       The YMCA (origianlly by Villiage people, amended by Zara Haram)

"Young man, i know you feel hate
I said young man, because you have to wait
I said young man, don't get into a state
There's no need to be worried

Young man, there's a place you must be
I said young man, they'll check out your pee
You can stay there and they'll test you blood too
 It's a place thats good for you

they need to check your HBa1c
they need to check your HBa1c
They test everything so that know
 Whether you change your ratios"

                           Chiquitita(Original Lyrics by ABBA amended by Zara Haram)

"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong?
Have you checked your blood's not too low
In your eyes there is a hint of another hypo
How I hate to see you like this
There is no way you can deny it
I can see that you're shaking and so quiet

Chiquitita, tell me the truth
I'm a shoulder you can lean on
Your best friend, you can't be scared to rely on
here have this glucose snack
Now I see you're starting to look better
I hope this won't go on forever"

                   The Show Must Go On (original Lyrics by Queen, Amended By Zara Haram)

"Diabetes - what are we living for
Injecting in places that sometimes get really sore
On and on, does anybody know what we are injecting for

Another hero, trying not to cry
Taking insulin, without which they would die
Help us now, does anybody want to try and find a cure?

The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside our hearts are breaking
Hypo's keep us shaking
But our smiles still stay on"

                     I Will Survive (originally by Gloria Gaynor amended by Zara Haram)

"first I was afraid I was petrified, when I found out I needed insulin to stay alive, but I spent so many nights wondering just what I did wrong, but i grew strong I learned how to get along.

I take a jab, eight times a day. and I take finger-pricks to keep ketoacidosis away, I check food for all those carbs, knowing that they are the key, if I don't get my ratio sorted it'll come back to haunt me

Say i didn't want to inject no more, I'd be flat out somewhere lying lifeless on the floor
if i didn't take my injections i would die,just trust me, no-one knows it more than I

 I will survive, as long as I have my insulin to help keep me alive
i've got all my life to live cause of all the jabs I have to give but I'll survive"

Zara's Weekly Rant

Hypoing during sex or foreplay, seriously, have you noticed its never before or after?  It's always bloody DURING.

Its all well and good that hypos happen, but clearly your body has terrible timing. Its embarrassing that you are getting down to "the business" and then you have to turn to your unlucky partner and say "sorry sweetie I need to spoil the moment, can you get off?"

Then by the time you have sorted your hypo, you have bypassed the "horny" stage and have entered the "sleepy" stage. You don't feel like it, ok its not so bad if you are still in a passionate state of relationship, but really not fair if you are in that stage of marriage when sex only happens on anniversaries and birthdays. Diabetes clearly has no sympathy for the sexually depraved or the highly passionate.

It would be nice to get your leg over and not worry about a mischievous hypo.... the answer

two flakes by your pillow, that way you have a snack before you get down to it, and your lover has a warning that they are "in for a treat".

Rant Of The Week

When somebody tells you that you don't look diabetic, what the bloody hell are we supposed to look like...


I figure we are meant to look half dead with random limbs hanging off, weigh about as much as a blue whale and be older than Jesus before anybody thinks we look diabetic...


Seriously, I usually reply with "Why thank you, its amazing you don't look like an arsehole"

A Bit Of Fun

The couple was 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, apart from having diabetes they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven..'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course,
finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages.
'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.
'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied,
'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'
The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'
'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my blood sugar or blood pressure or....'
'Never again. your diabetes doesn't exist. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your damned Bran Flakes!
We could have been here ten years ago!'

Boredom set in

Insulin has been modified so that you only have to inject once every 6 months, a new blood glucose testing meter has been developed that tests your blood and beeps if you hypo, and diabetologists have been specially trained to have a better bedside manner and look at other causes of a high HbA1c that doesn't involve stuffing your face with Carbs
Carlsberg don't do diabetes Care, but if they did........

Welcome and Huzzah

People have asked me to create a blog page thingamabob, and I've decided to meet the demand. there will be rants and my own general madness, lucky you. 


My job is to make people see the funny side of diabetes (yes it does exist) and with any luck advise, help or give you a giggle. 

Happy Ranting x